People often say times have changed. Women are studying, building careers, earning well and making their own decisions. But when it comes to marriage, many feel not much has really changed.For countless Indian women, the hardest pressure doesn’t come from relatives or neighbours. It comes from inside their own homes.That’s why a recent Instagram post by doctor and health journalist Christianez Ratna Kiruba has struck such a deep chord online.In a video shared on June 29, Christianez spoke about what she describes as years of emotional, financial and psychological pressure after she refused to marry someone her parents had chosen for her.The reason?She simply didn’t want to.“I didn’t want to get married to someone my parents chose, and I simply said ‘no’,” she said.A single word. But according to Christianez, that “no” completely changed her life.She alleged that after refusing the proposal, her parents began forcing her to meet prospective grooms. Saying no wasn’t treated as a decision – it became something that had to be “fixed”. Every time she rejected a match, she says she was made to feel guilty and questioned for having standards of her own.According to Christianez, the pressure slowly spilled into every part of her life.She claimed that the money she earned during her medical internships was deposited into a joint account with her mother, but was later withdrawn by her parents. She says that left her financially dependent at a time when she was trying to become independent. She also alleged that she was constantly watched and controlled so she couldn’t simply walk away from the situation.Then came another turning point.After getting admission to a postgraduate programme, Christianez claimed her parents tried to convince the college authorities that she was mentally unstable and addicted to drugs in an attempt to get her removed.She eventually managed to leave.Today, she lives on her own in Assam and says she no longer has any contact with her parents.What stood out in her post wasn’t just the allegations. It was the way she described marriage itself.She said marriage isn’t something that should happen because parents have reached a certain age or because society expects it.“It’s not like buying a dress. If you don’t wear a dress, it won’t hurt its feelings,” she said.Her point was simple. A marriage involves two real people. If one person doesn’t want it, forcing it helps no one.Christianez also shared what she described as one of the most painful things her father allegedly told her.“My status in society matters more than your happiness. I could even kill you if you shame me in our society.”In the caption of her post, she reflected on how, in her view, family pressure is often much more than emotional blackmail.“What I am trying to say here, from my experience, is that familial coercion is often not just mental pressure; it is a systematic breaking down of a person who said no to change it to a yes.”She went on to wonder what remains of a person after being repeatedly pushed to give up their own choices just to protect a family’s social image.Her story quickly filled the comments section with people sharing their own experiences.Some said they had lived through similar situations. Others said they knew friends who had.One user wrote, “This has to be one of the most horrifying things I’ve read about a so-called ordinary Indian family. The one goal I have as a parent is to raise a child who feels confident enough to say no—even to me.”Another commented, “Not every Indian family is like this, but too many people still grow up believing their parents own their lives. It affects everything—from careers to relationships to mental health.”Of course, many people pointed out that every family is different and that Christianez’s account reflects her personal experience and allegations. But her story has once again opened up an uncomfortable conversation.How much choice do adults really have when it comes to marriage? And when someone says “no”, why does it so often become a battle instead of being accepted as an answer?Judging by the thousands of responses her post received, those questions are resonating with far more people than many would like to admit.
